In a heartbreaking incident, Atul Subhash, a 34-year-old software engineer based in Bengaluru, took his own life, leaving behind a chilling 24-page suicide note and an 81-hour video. Originally from Uttar Pradesh, Atul’s tragic end has shocked his family, friends, and the community. His final words shed light on the mental and emotional turmoil he faced in his final days, particularly the strain in his relationship with his wife and son.
In his suicide letter, Atul expressed deep regret over the challenges in his personal life, particularly his feelings towards his son. He recalled, “I often laugh when I remember that I started saving money for a car when you go to college. Silly me,” highlighting the sorrow he felt for dreams that would never be realized. Atul wrote of the emotional pain he experienced, saying that his son would someday understand the trauma he went through. However, as the note unfolded, his words became more pointed, revealing an overwhelming sense of anger and frustration.
Atul’s letter took a dark turn when he referred to his son as a “mistake,” and expressed cold feelings towards him. “Whenever I look at you, it’s only cold feelings and pain that trigger my mind,” he wrote. He further accused his son of using him for emotional manipulation, saying, “You just feel like a blackmail using which I will be extorted more and more.” Atul’s harsh words reflected the deep emotional scars he carried, feeling unable to connect with the child he once felt overwhelming love for.
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Despite his anger, Atul’s letter also conveyed a sense of deep regret, as he wrote to his son, “I feel sorry that you will never know what a father is like.” He juxtaposed this with a more positive reflection of his own father, stating, “I can sacrifice 100 sons like you for my father. I can sacrifice a 1000 of me for you. But I will not be the reason for the harassment of my father.” This painful message points to the broader emotional strain Atul felt in his relationships.
Atul also criticized the concept of women’s empowerment in his final words, calling it “idiotic,” and expressing frustration with the societal pressures placed on men. He wrote, “Those poor men who buy into this idiotic philosophy might survive longer, but they become slaves who neither feel peace nor live like free men.”
A Family’s Anguish and Struggle
Atul’s parents have expressed outrage and anguish over his mental state leading up to his death. They claimed that their son had been tormented by legal proceedings, having to travel between Bengaluru and Jaunpur, Uttar Pradesh, for court hearings. Atul’s mother spoke out in grief, saying, “They tortured my son, they tortured us too,” referring to the ongoing emotional and financial pressure Atul faced.
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Atul was reportedly required to pay 40K as maintenance from his salary of 84K, leaving him with only 44K per month. His parents feel that this financial burden, coupled with the emotional toll, contributed to their son’s tragic end.
The heart-wrenching story of Atul Subhash serves as a stark reminder of the mental health struggles faced by individuals under extreme stress. His letter, video, and the reactions of his family underscore the need for greater attention to emotional well-being and support for those in distress.
